Sunday, August 29, 2010
AND THAT'S WHEN I CRIED............... !!!
Sitting under the moonlight....i tried so hard for a drop of tear trickle down my cheeks as the lovely yesteryears i miss....!!! Life's aint easy nor its tough , neither do i regret , neither i could except........sometimes I'm in dilemma ..sometimes in rest.....but never i reached the conclusible fact yet ! I need a rest.....no more in pain.....I'm no god...neither a saint , but i have learnt the lessons,i will remember forever....!!! I know what i lack,what i own.....life's is complicated with thoughts that are daily born........ today the truth is much bitter, i see........those sanguine days are no more, for free.I wonder about my biased mind.....it neither let me cry , nor smile , emotions are now shackled with chains , enervate and sometimes insane . How do i tackle , how do i refrain these feelings of mine.....i feel desolated in this selfish crowd .
I remember the days , so beautiful... I created , like a garden who's every flower so flawless , every moment i adored . I think about the thoughts and laughs i shared , the argues always ending up with tears and smiles , the care being showered all around and the trust never betrayed !!! A piece of advice like a bless for me , though i act unheard but every time touched my heart....! The long discussions with no conclusions......i feel were the best way i have utilized my time ,as every moment i learned a new perception of life ! I had the best and few were my "rest" , secured in motherly demeanor , nothing was congest . I was flying so high without any debts , they were my strength.....the reason, i was blessed !!! My zeal was in their prayers , my worries they shared , my silence a trouble , always understood unspoken .......shoulders to lean on , arms to hold me , those whispers comfort me , that was the serenity ........... ! Forgiveness to worship... i was taught , trust is the love... to be respect , kindness is my responsibility.....never to forget , smile keeps away the enemy , so never resist.........these were the boulevard where i survived , every instant these memories i always cherish !!!
And suddenly i feel so cold in the breeze around , the moon looks so giant making me horrified , the darkness still persist on a full moon night , may be world is shrinking.....i had a thought ! The memories down the lane was so beautiful , still why everything changed , i tried my best to hold them , still why they slipped off my hand ! What did i do.....i ask in the mirror , and daily it shatters without answering my fear ....! I know the past may be forgotten by you, but i still remember .......i still miss those days when we were together . Still I'm waiting for the "RAY OF HOPE ".....as my mother told me about this magical light, she said it obliterate life's darker side . And I am still a child to follow her words........i know changes are always good, but not the one that pains . So don't ask me to forget the past , because its where i met my few and the best , its where i hold your hand , its where i loved you all......its where we shared million hours of beautiful past .....AND THAT'S WHEN I CRIED THINKING YOU WILL BE THERE AGAIN , SOMEDAY , TO WIPE THEM OFF..........!!! :-) :-) :-)
To all my friends and family.....i miss you , i love you and i treasure you all a lot :-) !!! Thanks :-)
I remember the days , so beautiful... I created , like a garden who's every flower so flawless , every moment i adored . I think about the thoughts and laughs i shared , the argues always ending up with tears and smiles , the care being showered all around and the trust never betrayed !!! A piece of advice like a bless for me , though i act unheard but every time touched my heart....! The long discussions with no conclusions......i feel were the best way i have utilized my time ,as every moment i learned a new perception of life ! I had the best and few were my "rest" , secured in motherly demeanor , nothing was congest . I was flying so high without any debts , they were my strength.....the reason, i was blessed !!! My zeal was in their prayers , my worries they shared , my silence a trouble , always understood unspoken .......shoulders to lean on , arms to hold me , those whispers comfort me , that was the serenity ........... ! Forgiveness to worship... i was taught , trust is the love... to be respect , kindness is my responsibility.....never to forget , smile keeps away the enemy , so never resist.........these were the boulevard where i survived , every instant these memories i always cherish !!!
And suddenly i feel so cold in the breeze around , the moon looks so giant making me horrified , the darkness still persist on a full moon night , may be world is shrinking.....i had a thought ! The memories down the lane was so beautiful , still why everything changed , i tried my best to hold them , still why they slipped off my hand ! What did i do.....i ask in the mirror , and daily it shatters without answering my fear ....! I know the past may be forgotten by you, but i still remember .......i still miss those days when we were together . Still I'm waiting for the "RAY OF HOPE ".....as my mother told me about this magical light, she said it obliterate life's darker side . And I am still a child to follow her words........i know changes are always good, but not the one that pains . So don't ask me to forget the past , because its where i met my few and the best , its where i hold your hand , its where i loved you all......its where we shared million hours of beautiful past .....AND THAT'S WHEN I CRIED THINKING YOU WILL BE THERE AGAIN , SOMEDAY , TO WIPE THEM OFF..........!!! :-) :-) :-)
To all my friends and family.....i miss you , i love you and i treasure you all a lot :-) !!! Thanks :-)
Monday, August 16, 2010
Freedom yet to explore..........!!!
Every year august is a month of sudden rush of patriotism within our souls.........a new sun rises , a new India is born , and with this a few more inspirational vows and promises are made !!! Ironically, to no wonder this sudden deluge dries up in no time.......this is how our Independence Day is celebrated every year.... !!!
Its a fact that even after 63 years of Freedom we are still confused ...if this is the actual freedom we been waiting all long :-/ .....i really don't know what " Independence " word stands for in real , its just that i had been taught since my childhood that i need to celebrate this day , hoist flag and get into line for sweets :-) ! Its just that, except independence day i still feel shame to put the indian flag badge on my dress and roam around because otherwise people gaze at me ! And its just that ,i hear these patriotic songs and watch patriotic movies only on this particular day !
Talking about my experience,yesterday (15th august ) only i got up listening to some familiar music being played loud in a school near my place , and after i got into my concious , to my surprise it was "Vande Matram " in kannada , no offence but m simply worried that if we really live in a secular society ??? These days the prime time stories in television and newspapers include only about the sufferings of people in kashmir.....for no reason these innocent lives are being entertained with their family bereavement everyday . Next headlines focusses on the naxalite attacks....its the most shameful curse , our country is still scared of ! Moving to north-eastern states ,they are like some foreign place for us , rarely we bother to even peep that side , but if someone out of interest is planning for a vacation there , i would like to warn that " discretion is the better part of valour " . Since the scenario are so worst between manipur and nagaland , only some miracle can save them ! Aaahh....forgot to discuss about Caste -based Census , a good way for politicians to earn some more money , and we are fool who are taught that our constitution aims at achieving casteless society.So people....This was something about our so called Secular country :-@ !
Next important thing we should talk about is the Free Education bill ....still waiting for the bill to get implemented , with lots of hope that our future can be brighter with less of impoverished society and more of educated youth ! This i see as the biggest dream @@@ ..... Secondly the inflation hit has become a part and parcel of our life now, India is no more a place for middle-class to live,as poor has learnt the art to survive with hunger and rich are not in the list . But the point is that in mid of this prise rise how can someone manage to let the foodgrains rotten in the warehouses , i read that some ministers daily cross that highway , still how can someone ignore such view specially when you have taken the oath to work for this country and its people. These behaviour are something ridiculuos to even comment on . And at last how can i conclude my talks without women enpowerment....this always secures the first position as my favourite subject to debate . I remember when the bill for women reservation was passed....almost two weeks we kept talking about it , but as its our trend, lets just end up these talks on papers . So the list goes endless..........corruption , betrayal , illegal activities , politics , rape , poverty etc etc etc........................thats what we have done for Our India !!!
Now how to end it is a difficult question to even answer . I recently got the opportunity, to read few lines of the speech Mr Jawaharlal Nehru gave, on the occasion our country got freedom ,which i would like to share :
" The Appointed Day has come -the day appointed by destiny , and India stands forth 'again after long slumber and struggle awake , vital , free and independent. The past clings on to us still insome measure and we have to do much before we redeem the pledges we have so often taken.Yet the turning point Is past , history begins a new, for us, the history which we shall live and act , and others will write about.
It is fateful moment for us in India , for all Asia and for the world. A new star rises , the star of freedom in the east , a new hope comes into being , a vision long cherished materialises. Maythe star never set and that hope never be betrayed.
We rejoice freedom even though clouds surrounds us, and many of our people are sorrow stricken and difficult problems encompass us. But freedom brings responsibilities and burden and we have to face them in the spirit of a free and disciplined people.
The future beckons to us.Whither do we go and what shall be our endeavour ? To bring freedom and opportunity to the common man , to the peasants and workers of India.To fight and end poverty and ignorance and disease . To build up a prosperous , democratic ,and progressive nation , and to create social , economic and political institutions which will ensure justice and fullness of life to every man and woman.
We have hard work ahead . There is no resting for any one of us till we redeem our pledge in full, till we make all the people of India what destiny intended them to be. We are citizens of a great country , on the verge of bold advance , and we have to live up to that high standards .All of us to whatever religion we may belong are equally the children of India with equal rights , privileges and obligations. We cannot encourage communalism or narrow-mindedness,for no nation can be great whose people are narrow in thought or in action.
To the nations and people of world we send greetings and pledge ourselves to cooperate , with them in furthering peace, freedom and democracy.
And to India, our much -loved motherland , the ancient , the eternal and the ever-new , we pay our reverent homage and we bind ourselves afresh to her service ...............!!! "
So this defines FREEDOM for me ,which is yet to be achieved , and therefore i believe that our Independence Day is yet to come when every soul on this land can smile from heart with no worries in mind . Its a big dream for all of us but that's what Life's is all about - never ending imaginations......for ourselves, our country and our countrymen !!!
:-) Wake up with a promise everyday :-) !!!
Its a fact that even after 63 years of Freedom we are still confused ...if this is the actual freedom we been waiting all long :-/ .....i really don't know what " Independence " word stands for in real , its just that i had been taught since my childhood that i need to celebrate this day , hoist flag and get into line for sweets :-) ! Its just that, except independence day i still feel shame to put the indian flag badge on my dress and roam around because otherwise people gaze at me ! And its just that ,i hear these patriotic songs and watch patriotic movies only on this particular day !
Talking about my experience,yesterday (15th august ) only i got up listening to some familiar music being played loud in a school near my place , and after i got into my concious , to my surprise it was "Vande Matram " in kannada , no offence but m simply worried that if we really live in a secular society ??? These days the prime time stories in television and newspapers include only about the sufferings of people in kashmir.....for no reason these innocent lives are being entertained with their family bereavement everyday . Next headlines focusses on the naxalite attacks....its the most shameful curse , our country is still scared of ! Moving to north-eastern states ,they are like some foreign place for us , rarely we bother to even peep that side , but if someone out of interest is planning for a vacation there , i would like to warn that " discretion is the better part of valour " . Since the scenario are so worst between manipur and nagaland , only some miracle can save them ! Aaahh....forgot to discuss about Caste -based Census , a good way for politicians to earn some more money , and we are fool who are taught that our constitution aims at achieving casteless society.So people....This was something about our so called Secular country :-@ !
Next important thing we should talk about is the Free Education bill ....still waiting for the bill to get implemented , with lots of hope that our future can be brighter with less of impoverished society and more of educated youth ! This i see as the biggest dream @@@ ..... Secondly the inflation hit has become a part and parcel of our life now, India is no more a place for middle-class to live,as poor has learnt the art to survive with hunger and rich are not in the list . But the point is that in mid of this prise rise how can someone manage to let the foodgrains rotten in the warehouses , i read that some ministers daily cross that highway , still how can someone ignore such view specially when you have taken the oath to work for this country and its people. These behaviour are something ridiculuos to even comment on . And at last how can i conclude my talks without women enpowerment....this always secures the first position as my favourite subject to debate . I remember when the bill for women reservation was passed....almost two weeks we kept talking about it , but as its our trend, lets just end up these talks on papers . So the list goes endless..........corruption , betrayal , illegal activities , politics , rape , poverty etc etc etc........................thats what we have done for Our India !!!
Now how to end it is a difficult question to even answer . I recently got the opportunity, to read few lines of the speech Mr Jawaharlal Nehru gave, on the occasion our country got freedom ,which i would like to share :
" The Appointed Day has come -the day appointed by destiny , and India stands forth 'again after long slumber and struggle awake , vital , free and independent. The past clings on to us still insome measure and we have to do much before we redeem the pledges we have so often taken.Yet the turning point Is past , history begins a new, for us, the history which we shall live and act , and others will write about.
It is fateful moment for us in India , for all Asia and for the world. A new star rises , the star of freedom in the east , a new hope comes into being , a vision long cherished materialises. Maythe star never set and that hope never be betrayed.
We rejoice freedom even though clouds surrounds us, and many of our people are sorrow stricken and difficult problems encompass us. But freedom brings responsibilities and burden and we have to face them in the spirit of a free and disciplined people.
The future beckons to us.Whither do we go and what shall be our endeavour ? To bring freedom and opportunity to the common man , to the peasants and workers of India.To fight and end poverty and ignorance and disease . To build up a prosperous , democratic ,and progressive nation , and to create social , economic and political institutions which will ensure justice and fullness of life to every man and woman.
We have hard work ahead . There is no resting for any one of us till we redeem our pledge in full, till we make all the people of India what destiny intended them to be. We are citizens of a great country , on the verge of bold advance , and we have to live up to that high standards .All of us to whatever religion we may belong are equally the children of India with equal rights , privileges and obligations. We cannot encourage communalism or narrow-mindedness,for no nation can be great whose people are narrow in thought or in action.
To the nations and people of world we send greetings and pledge ourselves to cooperate , with them in furthering peace, freedom and democracy.
And to India, our much -loved motherland , the ancient , the eternal and the ever-new , we pay our reverent homage and we bind ourselves afresh to her service ...............!!! "
So this defines FREEDOM for me ,which is yet to be achieved , and therefore i believe that our Independence Day is yet to come when every soul on this land can smile from heart with no worries in mind . Its a big dream for all of us but that's what Life's is all about - never ending imaginations......for ourselves, our country and our countrymen !!!
:-) Wake up with a promise everyday :-) !!!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
The Wine,The Dine and.............!!!
I was exhausted to the core , my head was getting hammered continuosly , the lights becoming dim around , i went to wash room......splashed water on eyes and face . I tried to relax myself , still those words are hovering in my ears , how can Vivek say that , m i dreaming...@$%^, but the truth is that all dreams are shattered now , reality was never so bitter , how can things go so wrong .......oh god i can't stress myself MOOOORE..... can't i just rewind this moment , can't my world be beautiful as its been always , can't we be together again as yesterday and day before day and so on.....can't i........OH MAN...i wanna get out my ambiguous mind first of all i guess.....!!! But again what to do......??? I gazed my computer screen for a second , than logged into yahoo chat room ...... i have never done this weird thing of talking to strangers ever but suddenly i want do this now.....
I popped into the room "fun" with my name as feather (God knows why i choose this name...i dont care )......
Lots of boxes started to appear on my screen...
ILSHNd : "hi baby..how r you ? "
Cruzo : "hey sexo "! shank : " helloz "
Why the hell guys can't talk to girl with some decency....why they want to show their potential of using such words on public sites...or is it like only for frustrated guys ....possibility is thr,even im frustrated though for other reasons....GOD TAKE HELL OUT OF ME...i dont even know why m here... :-/ !!
shank : " hey r u thr..? " (seemz i can talk to "it" )
feather : ( this name is so irritating...eeewww ) hi "
shank : " oh good god, i thought u wont reply "
feather : " do u knw me ? "
shank : " i guess thats y v r here ,to knw ech other.. :-) "
feather : " i dnt knw "
shank : " so may i know ur ASL plz..? "
feather : " no m nt intrstd in tellin.. "
shank : " cool dwn..r u fine... ? "
feather : "no m not....u have a problem wth that ( how can i b so rude now ...uff ) "
shank : " nah ! bt i think u have a one...its absltly fine ,btw m shankar,48 , male :-) "
feather : " thnx a lot fr telling..."
shank : " okie i guess i should leave now , tk cr of urslf :-)"
Hell man ..someone's trying to be sweet with me and how can i be so impolite....!!
feather : " hey m so sorii.....jst forgive me fr the behviour"
shank : "Hey not at all..its absolutely fine...it happens "
feather : " i think so...nwz m shalini,25, fem "
shank : " oh cool...now i got ur behviour... :-) "
feather :" m really very sori.... :-( " ( oh i finally managed with the smiley...though curved othr side )
shank :" Nwz i hv to leave nw.....i think sumone's at the door "
feather : "oh sure...i wasted enough of ur time "
shank : " oh abs not....i gotta go now..btw if u wanna cntact me ..u can call me at 9986754345"
feather : "thnx a lot...bye "( i saved the number )
shank : "bye..hope to c u sumday :-).tk care "
And the box closed...in the meantime lot many other frustrated people did banged on my screen showing up there potentials of varying level...i decided to go for sleep.....though i know i will be sleeping with my eyes open wide...still i think its better to take rest before i can think of something more weird !!!
I slide inside my blanket , thinking about my good memories with Vivek and i fell asleep in sometime........!!!
"Shaluuu... BANG BANG BANG....why the hell u not opening the door" my friend shouted.....when i unlocked the door she was shocked looking at my swollened eyes.I told her about the last night break up scene i had with Vivek and as my best friend she poured the words of sympathy and "I M THERE FOR YOU " sentence ...just for me ,but nothing's gonna work out i know ! My afternoon was about to get over ..it was almost 4'oclock and i did nothing from morning.....i wanted to talk with someone ( i dont know why this urge was disturbing me again and again...may be my lonliness ) , suddenly it reminded me about the man i had chat last night , i picked phone to call him.....SUDDENLY my mind signaled me about this strange behaviour of mine... "Does talking to someone unknown is right"....but i was too annoyed to think about all these...i just pressed the green button....!!! Phone was ringing...so was my heart...why m i doing ...and before i could think of nything else ,a heavy manly voice pop off : "Hello...shankar here , I kept quite for a second and replied " Hey I'm shalini....we talked on yahoo yesterday (how can someone talk there...me fool :-@ )"..."oh yesssss i remember....so how come u called up..how are you " a very gratifying voice that attracted me , "nothing just AIWAI and to say u sori again (ooh what was that word ) ".....AND THE CONVERSATION STARTED.......................he seemed to be a very nice man ( every man seems so at first ) so we ended up deciding to meet each other... :-).
I was feeling very apprehensive....but in the first meet itself , i got to know that he's a professional artist and a widower since 10 years with no child , even i shared lot of talks with him....i explained him the reason for that behaviour,and this sort of meetings continued between us for next few months....meantime i started considering him as my mentor who use to give me the mental stability whenever i feel negetive, i was free to discuss on any issues....his presence always made me feel secured and relaxed as an elder bless , i respected him a lot !
One day he invited me for his ART exhibition in the Time Art Gallery, that evening was a big success for him with all beau monde of the town, i had never been to party like this before....they talk about everything......money,politics,social issues, fashion,wine,and sex....it was really impressive one......The Beau People ,The Fine Dine , The Wine...........every part of that evening was getting into my nerves.......and i just imbibed ONE ,TWO,THREE ..................TEN glasses of wine !!! Oh my god....it was almost 12 now and i couldn't even stand...shankar offered me the lift and i was left with no other option ! Within next 20 minutes i was standing in front of my flat's door.......he helped me till my bedroom......i just fell on my bed , next moment i realised someone glaring at me constantly......it was SHANKAR, i never observed those brown eyes like this before......it was full of desire ,urge and a need to be loved by someone truly.....he came closer to me , i did'nt know how to react , i could smell the fragrance of his perfume now, his eyes were so deep and expressive.........his palm touched my cheeks and i could feel those lines of his harsh life and then evrything went dark for me !!!
Next morning i got up with severe headache like pins poking my brain from inside , and before i could come to my senses i realized myself drapped in JUST the silky white blanket that smells those lily fragrance i use in my cupboard , i was totally lost by that time , i can't remember anything about the last night , i looked around and found no one.....and it took me seconds to figure out the mistake i have done ! I was drowning in the sea of guilt , i was never so embarrased before , i wanted to shout loud and cry like hell.......but all i was , with the feeling of NUMB !!!
Suddenly i heard the footsteps walking towards me , and saw a man figure approaching me......i searched for my spects and next i saw VIVEK smiling at me. I just bursted out with tears overflowing , he came closer to me ,worried about this unexpected reaction of mine , i hugged him tightly , it was difficult for me to even look at him....what will i tell him, how to explain , how to react when he's back to me but now....all questions were clashing and making me scared of the consequence i was about to face the next moment.......and he spoke
" Hey my dear...m sori for the way i behaved with you , but all this period i just missed you more everyday , i know its very difficult for you to forgive me , but yesterday night i realized , how big is your heart that after all my ignorance you still excepted me with all your love ,without a drop of complaint....i promise i will never leave u again " and he kissed my forehead.............!!! .................... A blank silence surrounded me , and a thought about that man who was there till yesterday.........my emotions left me all off sudden , my mind stopped responding , i had no queries left except one : " What is love all about ...??? Is it the way i Do, Is it the way vivek proved me Today or is it the way that selfless man left me Yesterday with all respect............!!!
Hey friends this is the first story i have written.......i hope u liked my effort !!! :-)
Raisa Nair :-) ..........!!!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Do all relationship comes with the past........... ??? soch lo !!!
HMMMMMMMMMMMM...............socha socha bahut socha........... :-/ ,but relationships are always....eeeeewwww !!! Sometimes i update "love is in the air"......sometimes i write " m sick of this ".....sometimes it is.." i know it happens "....but at the end lets just do it permanently dude....Relationship Status : " Its complicated "....so thats my recent facebook update and m sure its not just me !!! :-)
Now the question is why ....??? No no no...dont even dare waste your time to answer this.......coz its like " Does the hen came first or the egg "...you willl b travelling in a circle and you will just end up where you have started....because a relation has a Past...and a Future....but no Present... :-/ !
So the story starts......I love a guy ....i can die for him ( i claim so ) and even he can do anything for me ( why cant he claim when i can ) ! He's just a perfect one for me.........like i ever imagined , for whom i waited all this 20 years........ :-)..........he's intelligent,he's smart,he listens me,he cares for me, and of all he brings smile to my face 24*7.....and my world just starts revolving around him the very instant.....Oh god thanx a lot.... :-) ! Everyone says "u r lucky girl ".....i blush.... :-) , i close my eyes, my happiness trickled down as tear. I tell my friends how generous he is.....i bet them to get a person who can pinpoint a single fault in him.....i try to make other couples envy seeing us ( it feels good u know :-p ) .......oh and my facebook update is " Love is in the airrrrrrrrrrr :-) :-) :-) ( i guess this many smilies are enough ) "....Love is so magical...its actually filmy,and i never imagined i can fall for someone ....but yes you are the one and you did it :-) !!!
So the next step i thought about was to make it official .....let me change my update to something more catchy :-p......and i turned on the laptop......entered my password , logged into facebook......annnnddddddd............... i cried and cried and cried ! Oh m sori actually i suffered a trauma that instant.......lets just rewind it back.....i saw a photo update on his fb album ( cant evn use word "bf " for him anymore )...." my love " was the title...my heart beat increased...oh did he officialised it before me.....awwwwwww he's so sweet.....and when it displayed i just felt like cracking his head with a vase if its possible.....it was his ex's girlfriend and a cropped photo of him on which he spend so much of time and just uploaded to make it OFFICIAL i guess @#$%^&* !!!
I had no words to speak...nothing to claim now,nothing to listen,nothing to feel....i wanted to be alone ,i cant understand why he did ....so lets just call up and ask......
Me : "hello..........................."
He : " Yes dear.....how are you my love "
Me : " What *hit u have done in facebook "
He : " What dear "...( How can he be so fake all off sudden )
Me : " As if u dont know.....please do not waste my time,neither act ...b clear "
He : " Clear about what "
Me : "That do you love me..."
He : " Ofcourse i do as always......why you asking such questions "
Me : " Because theres a pic with a tittle MY LOVE....and to my surprise its not me "
And he laughed ( I m confused )...
He : " Thats just a timepass my dear .....for fun ...my friends did that and i uploaded just to grab more comments.....ha ha ha ...dont take it seriously "
And i wanted to believe him,i wanted to believe his lies.....but that day i realised ...m a human with no extraordinary qualities,just with a simple heart that wanna believe in everything that makes me feel happy and give me the feeling of victory and delightment ...however somwhere i do posses a foolishness of trusting someone blindly and dreaming of a world that can never exist in real.........A FAIRY TALE :-) !!! And that day i met my foolishness....i really thank him for that very moment ( rest i have forgotten ) coz i got back the girl i been always , love had changed me but now m back !!! So today... even I'm with a PAST....but its has made me much more stronger ....and i know with this i can have a beautiful FUTURE ahead......because for me again : " LOVE IS IN THE AIR "......... :-) :-) :-)!!!
HAPPY ENDING :-) !!!
Now the question is why ....??? No no no...dont even dare waste your time to answer this.......coz its like " Does the hen came first or the egg "...you willl b travelling in a circle and you will just end up where you have started....because a relation has a Past...and a Future....but no Present... :-/ !
So the story starts......I love a guy ....i can die for him ( i claim so ) and even he can do anything for me ( why cant he claim when i can ) ! He's just a perfect one for me.........like i ever imagined , for whom i waited all this 20 years........ :-)..........he's intelligent,he's smart,he listens me,he cares for me, and of all he brings smile to my face 24*7.....and my world just starts revolving around him the very instant.....Oh god thanx a lot.... :-) ! Everyone says "u r lucky girl ".....i blush.... :-) , i close my eyes, my happiness trickled down as tear. I tell my friends how generous he is.....i bet them to get a person who can pinpoint a single fault in him.....i try to make other couples envy seeing us ( it feels good u know :-p ) .......oh and my facebook update is " Love is in the airrrrrrrrrrr :-) :-) :-) ( i guess this many smilies are enough ) "....Love is so magical...its actually filmy,and i never imagined i can fall for someone ....but yes you are the one and you did it :-) !!!
So the next step i thought about was to make it official .....let me change my update to something more catchy :-p......and i turned on the laptop......entered my password , logged into facebook......annnnddddddd............... i cried and cried and cried ! Oh m sori actually i suffered a trauma that instant.......lets just rewind it back.....i saw a photo update on his fb album ( cant evn use word "bf " for him anymore )...." my love " was the title...my heart beat increased...oh did he officialised it before me.....awwwwwww he's so sweet.....and when it displayed i just felt like cracking his head with a vase if its possible.....it was his ex's girlfriend and a cropped photo of him on which he spend so much of time and just uploaded to make it OFFICIAL i guess @#$%^&* !!!
I had no words to speak...nothing to claim now,nothing to listen,nothing to feel....i wanted to be alone ,i cant understand why he did ....so lets just call up and ask......
Me : "hello..........................."
He : " Yes dear.....how are you my love "
Me : " What *hit u have done in facebook "
He : " What dear "...( How can he be so fake all off sudden )
Me : " As if u dont know.....please do not waste my time,neither act ...b clear "
He : " Clear about what "
Me : "That do you love me..."
He : " Ofcourse i do as always......why you asking such questions "
Me : " Because theres a pic with a tittle MY LOVE....and to my surprise its not me "
And he laughed ( I m confused )...
He : " Thats just a timepass my dear .....for fun ...my friends did that and i uploaded just to grab more comments.....ha ha ha ...dont take it seriously "
And i wanted to believe him,i wanted to believe his lies.....but that day i realised ...m a human with no extraordinary qualities,just with a simple heart that wanna believe in everything that makes me feel happy and give me the feeling of victory and delightment ...however somwhere i do posses a foolishness of trusting someone blindly and dreaming of a world that can never exist in real.........A FAIRY TALE :-) !!! And that day i met my foolishness....i really thank him for that very moment ( rest i have forgotten ) coz i got back the girl i been always , love had changed me but now m back !!! So today... even I'm with a PAST....but its has made me much more stronger ....and i know with this i can have a beautiful FUTURE ahead......because for me again : " LOVE IS IN THE AIR "......... :-) :-) :-)!!!
HAPPY ENDING :-) !!!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The girl next door......unseen !!!
There i saw you ,
sitting on the wall ,
that seperates the mansion ,
from the debris around ....
You smiled so eloquently ,
while chatting with your friend ,
those eyes so glittering ,
inspite of the dullness of cloud...
That face so sagacious and radiant ,
but layered with greyish sufferings ,
still hope for the dreams ,
so unreal in her existing bounds....
The skeleton so virile ,
that has withered yet unblossom ,
though spreads fragrance of freshness ,
like a rose kept in the book i found.....
And there i saw the happiest life on earth ,
searching to satisfy her hunger ,
calming her friend who's barking aloud ,
but still no blames in this filthy crowd.......!!!
sitting on the wall ,
that seperates the mansion ,
from the debris around ....
You smiled so eloquently ,
while chatting with your friend ,
those eyes so glittering ,
inspite of the dullness of cloud...
That face so sagacious and radiant ,
but layered with greyish sufferings ,
still hope for the dreams ,
so unreal in her existing bounds....
The skeleton so virile ,
that has withered yet unblossom ,
though spreads fragrance of freshness ,
like a rose kept in the book i found.....
And there i saw the happiest life on earth ,
searching to satisfy her hunger ,
calming her friend who's barking aloud ,
but still no blames in this filthy crowd.......!!!
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